Saturday, January 23, 2010

The Honeymoon's Over...

Following last week's post, this post probably paints a bleak picture of my current feelings.

7 months into the job and I'm coming against some setbacks which are kinda demoralizing. The first 6 months, while tiring, did not seem to have many down moments. the 7th month, however, is turning out to be quite a challenge.

Firstly, I've had to balance the demands of my various responsibilities. It's frustrating not being able to do everything to the level I expect of myself. I know I'm not prepared to do substandard work... but to try and do everything at a peak performance level with limited resources is quite a stretch. And I find myself either getting fed up with myself over not being to do everything well or getting disappointed that even the basic level seems to be suffering.

Second challenge is overcoming my own expectations and pre-conceived ideas. It's challenging to try and move beyond what I think I should expect to what is reality and learning how to deal with it. heh.. dunno if that makes sense. I'm frustrated that maybe I'm not dealing with people around me in the right way. I keep asking myself if I'm dealing with the various situations that I am currently being faced with in the right way or in the way I feel most comfortable with. As a teacher, there is a natural 'gut reaction' to many issues. And I'm now constantly checking if this 'gut reaction' is right or wrong.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. Maybe not, coz I guess without context, the above two points would probably sound pretty random and ranty.

I'm gonna try my best to take the weekend to chill out and recharge. I think I'm gonna resort to some retail therapy. Maybe a new phone... or a PSP Go... or who knows... buying expensive stuff always helps. :)

It's only the first month of 2010... talk about challenging beginnings.

Friday, January 15, 2010

2010 Hit me like a Tsunami

One month since I last posted and it really didn't seem like a month. It's not that nothing happened to me in the past month, in fact the opposite is true. When I returned from Bali, things really amped up and towards the end of the year as I was involved in camps, preparations for the second round of the RLP, staff meetings and preparations for lessons for 2010.

The past week has been particularly tiring. For some reason, it feels that the past week has just been me chasing after a train filled with the stuff I need to do. That really frustrates me. I hate losing control of the things around me. Yes, it sounds like I am a control freak but the truth is, I am. It seems as if I'm just being pushed from one task to another task that needs my immediate attention. My schedule has been packed with so many urgent things that I'm actually finding no time for movies & games! A typical day in the last week had me preparing a lesson before rushing off to lesson, then rushing off to a discussion, then rushing for a meeting, then rushing to complete a proposal, then rushing for another meeting then grabbing a bite (literally), then grabbing a few minutes to touch up the proposal then ending with another meeting before finally showering and getting ready for bed. It almost seems that I'm on the go from 7.30am to 11.20pm.... (deep breath).

I won't deny that I am quite energised by the adrenaline of the things I need to do. I am also quite enjoying most of the stuff I have to do. But I think I really need to do something to jump onto the train, into the train engine and put my hand on the throttle. Otherwise, I think I will get more and more frustrated as I see the quality of my work slip as I rush from one task to another.

It's gonna take some reflection, planning and hard work. But I think it really needs to be done... OK. Gotta try and do something over this weekend 'break'. But maybe only after I catch a movie. :)